some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
love makes seman taste better
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
