Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
