marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
