True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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