i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
