If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
