The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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