8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
