I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
