you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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