Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
