Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
