Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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