I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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