My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
