I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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