Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I am naked and annoyed.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
