You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
