I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He is an equal opportunity slut.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize