For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
