Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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