Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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