You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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