perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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