Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
