who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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