You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it's like iHOP with fire
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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