Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
