We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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