Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
