i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This baby is an asshole
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
