fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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