omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
