Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
