i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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