Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I could fuck to npr.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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