I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
