Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
