it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
