I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
