I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
