Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
