I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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