When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
