didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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