You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize