I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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