EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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