Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
