We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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