No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
