i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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