I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
