don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
