oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
