Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
