I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
