so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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