i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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