therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
