Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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