I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
