Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
