I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
