You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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