Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
my liver is dry heaving
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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