Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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