There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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