Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
